**Check out KJ’s Krackups part I here on page 48!
Guess who’s back, back again? KJ’s back, tell a friend (that I do Med). Yes that’s right y’all I’m back for another award winning edition of KJ’s Krackups. If this is your first time joining us, boy are you in for a treat! There have been some absolute hare-brained happenings since the last issue – enough to fill an entire book even (unfortunately my iron-clad contract to write the next edition of Talley, O’Connor and Nithiyananthan prevents me from doing so #freeKJ). Nevertheless as long as I remain the most bogan individual this side of the Bass Strait and Shannon Noll continues to release timeless Aussie classics I’ll be here for my JMP fam. So let’s not beat around the bush and get right to it!
1.How is it possible that the SoMIT stud’s (we’ll ignore the corrupt and nepotistic Exec structure for a minute) Vid and Jack are single? I mean one of them is a model and the other is white, what more could a girl want? Someone out there is having a laugh if Harish is the only one of them in a relo, although I wouldn’t be surprised if ‘Medball’ Prachi was involved in making this a reality.
2. Hoow in tarnation did UNE ever get accreditation for a med school? I realise this Krackup is several years old but that doesn’t make it any less absurd! I mean the B.Med let in the likes of Clarence and Matt Fuge so you can sorta understand UNE’s farcical inclusion but we’re the MD now (ignore us letting Ali in) – the best of the bestlimited to the greater Hunter area. Honestly I’m surprised the JMP got the MD approved at all. I have it on good authority that the faculty’s famous ‘Moth to a lämp’ strategy was centred around writing ‘MD pls?’ in crayon on a $5 note and holding it up to the AMA president.
3. Hooow in the world is JMP’s number one surgical fetishist Mahsa Sarrami breaking her record (12 seconds) of not telling anyone and everyone that she wants to be a surgeon not bigger news?!?! Getting all the way to her new PB of 21 seconds must’ve been an absolutely herculean task and one that must be rewarded. So raise your bakehouse pies as we undoubtedly toast to her future of RM Williams’ boots, chronic sleeplessness and teaching sobbing med students – Here’s to future orthopaedic consultant surgeon, Mahsa Sarrami, may your scalpel be forever sharp.
4. [THIS KRACKUP HAS BEEN REDACTED ON BEHALF OF UNMS AS IT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE INVOLVED THE RESULTS OF THE 2018 UNMS ELECTION]
5. Hooooow is it conceivable that Netflix CEO Reed Hastings hasn’t approached me yet to replace KJ Apa as the lead sex symbol on Riverdale? I mean other than his abs, singing ability, luscious red locks and acting ability, what does he have that I don’t? Not only am I younger, Aussie, more exotic looking and the darling of the JMP but I also once scored 86 runs against Merewether with my main man Scott Beveridge (google me, it’s true). Did I mention I’m the face of UON advertising? If you’re reading this Mr. Hastings you can contact me at: Kj_I_do_med@uon.dontforgetIdomed.org.au
So there you have it, another bushel of inane Krackups by some utter nongs! What a year 2018 has been, from toothsome Tidepods to yodelling thespians to Randy’s First Incision attire (worked on Brittany right?) – it’s been a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. While our time together has come to an end, you can be confident that as long as Pratik is colour-blind, can’t sing and doesn’t train legs, I will be here for you. I will leave you with this simple quote:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky
– Michael Scott”
– Kajanan Nithiyananthan
**This article may or may not have been ghost written by Darshan.